Are You Dating Out of Your League?

According to a recent article on CNN’s website based on a study published in the Journal of Science Advances, online daters tend to pursue users who are roughly 25% "more desirable" than they are -- and many are well aware of the “hierarchy”. As Omaha Love matchmakers, this is a phenomenon we are more than familiar with.

"We have this phrase 'you're out of my league.' What does it mean scientifically for someone to be out of your league? ... How can we figure out who's in and who's out?" said study author Elizabeth Bruch, associate professor​ of complex systems and sociology at the University of Michigan.

"Intuitively, I expected to find some sort of desirability gap," she said, "but I was thinking more on the order of 5 or 10%, not 25%. That number for me was really striking.”

The data come from nearly 187,000 heterosexual daters on a "popular, free online dating service" in New York, Chicago, Seattle and Boston, according to the study.

The study found that the higher up we reach, the longer our messages tend to get -- and the less likely we'll get a message back. In messaging women higher up the ladder, the best men can hope for is a reply to one out of every five messages.

Eli Finkel, a professor of psychology and management at Northwestern University, told CNN in an e-mail, ”In online dating, you can't tell how much attention anybody's getting, which means that too many of us are pursuing too few potential partners -- those who [look] appealing in their photographs and profile.

Other trends emerged: A woman's average desirability begins to drop from the time she's 18. Men, however, peak around age 50. When it comes to education, for men, more is better. Not so for women, whose desirability peaks with an undergraduate degree but takes a hit with postgraduate education -- even when correcting for age. Race plays heavily into the results, with Asian women and white men being the most sought after overall.

What this looks like, practically speaking, is that "most people receive a handful of messages at most, but a small fraction of the population receive far more," the researchers wrote.

"Online dating becomes a hassle for ... those individuals -- especially the women -- who find themselves deluged with suitors," Finkel said. "For them, the process quickly starts to feel like work rather than fun."

That may heighten the internet dating hierarchy, Bruch said; the most attractive people will garner much more attention on an app than they would at a bar.

And all that effort you put into crafting a lengthier message? It might be energy wasted, the study suggests; the payoff was minimal overall.

"That might feel a little demoralizing, but there is a very optimistic take home message," Bruch said. "If you're willing to put in the effort and you're comfortable with your low reply rate, you certainly can pursue and date people who are out of your league.

"We can tell you what your probabilities [of getting a response] are, and perhaps they are hovering around 10% when you're messaging aspirationally. But that's not zero.

"The fact that somebody is appealing or unappealing in an online dating profile isn't particularly useful in predicting how compatible you'll be with that person when you meet face to face," said Finkel, also the author of "The All-Or-Nothing Marriage.”

Best not to write someone off based on a ho-hum dating profile, he said.

"I recommend that people spend less time browsing profiles ... and more time meeting people for a cup of coffee or a pint of beer."